WISHES

You are going to feel foolish one day to arrive at the end of life with your bucket lists of wishes and your complaints only to discover what your inheritance had been that lay unopened or tossed in a bin.

Cynosure, a brilliant light of attraction has been yours. Cynosure, everybody wants one. Everybody needs one. Let anonymity be your cynosure and you cannot be stopped!

Your sinecure for life assured, a status requiring no effort or toil but providing adequate support for a lifetime lies in a safe no bank can rival. Christ told of it on the Mount. Consider the lilies. They toil not; neither do the spin and yet Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. Does your Benefactor love you not? You want to win a lottery? You won the day of your birth!

You are going to feel foolish one day to arrive at the end with your bucket lists of wishes and complaints only to discover what your inheritance had been that lay unopened or tossed in a bin as useless to you.

A candle unlit.

Planet Loco

People talk or write to feed each other. What? It has been special to me to have a friend who cannot share with me any words in my only language. Most friends talk very much. That is what people think friendship to be. Text. Email. Telephone. Facebook. Conversing.

Someone told me about a time when her mother died of cancer while she was pregnant with her first child. Many people said, both before and after the death, “I am so sorry for your loss. I know how painful it must be for you. Move to our neighborhood. We want to be close by to help you and care for you and the baby.” After the funeral, she said, not one of those people ever called or came to see her or gave any help. What kind of nourishment is that? Words of a learned language? Just words. It reminds me of the fisherman who pretends to feed a fish and his hook. Or the monkey who pulled a fish out of the water and placed it safely in a tree. Or a politician whose barfed up promises are leftovers. Or, teachers on the first day of class who know nothing but words, words, words, having never themselves lived. Or parents who reply, Because I said so. Or, religious clergy who tell us to believe them because truth is beyond our ability to comprehend. What world is this one? Surely, it is not the only one we can experience this life time. Is it?

Am I never going to meet anyone here who understands me? A clown standing in the moonlight upside down bouncing a globe with her feet winked at me and I interpreted the meaning as: there are more things here than you yet know.

MOMENTS

 This one moment we have and more than that if I find what lies inside. Carefully I abide. Not to startle any one or rattle the neighborhood. Only as a visitor come leaving no prints behind. Watch my mouth. Lips still. My fingers at my side. Teeth withdrawn. Muscles loose. Naked. No luggage. Ask deeply for a sign. No press. No fanfare. Not even a glance in the mirror. Erase all intentions. Nothing. Nobody sees me I am invisible. If I need protection it is given in stillness by the one who does nothing and leaves nothing undone. If I am to express the service it will be done. Touch no other and being certain to touch the light inside every one be out going as angels or knights are likely to be who see the invisible more clearly than they see what's gross. Sacred? Label me what is not sacred and I will tell you that your label is a lie. Layer upon layer of presence. This day two stood on a mountain before the same sky and thousands of words danced through each of them in two distinct languages and neither spoke a word and what was being felt being all they had to share they were as one who understood in a moment that was not what a moment is supposed to be but an epoch itself subdivided into ages of nonlinear chronostratigraphy wrapped around a flag pole, waving nothing.

A Mirror to Face

I listen with my full attention focused whenever my heart wants it to be thus. It takes more than a pair of ears, it takes a pair of ears attuned sharply to every aspect of the entire body. In this mode, the heart nudges. I follow.

Many teachers say, “You do not need a guru. I did not have one. Look at me, I have drawn a large crowd. Whooppeee!”

Most of them in my experience go on to teach like madmen, like their very lives depended upon it. Because they have told the listener, “Do not listen to me, you have all the answers for you”, nobody is listening except the judges. The fake teachers are off the hook, reckless even, since nobody is listening except the judges. The gurus are the entertainers. Damn good at it, some of them. But, it is still just entertainment and will not take you to your heart to realize what they are talking about. It creates a need for more entertainment is about all. To be drunk on the frivolous like politics or religious doctrine or spiritual mumbo jumbo or fortune telling nonsense. The judges want more of it. The judges require only a pair of ears and less than half a brain.

The true guru is speaking not to judges but to hearts. Knows it is not a numbers game. The way you can know one is to listen with your full attention focused because your heart wants it to be thus. It takes more than a pair of ears, it takes a pair of ears attuned sharply to every aspect of the entire body. In this mode, the heart nudges. You follow.

The so-called teachers, the entertainers, are afraid to accept the role of guru and I do not blame them. It is a tough job. They are not up to it. The guru is a mirror. The guru's function is to remain inwardly still with full attention focused in one simple message: what you are searching for, you have already. However, you need someone who is willing to tell you that over and over and over...until you get it! That is what a mirror is for. Then, free of guru. Live. Teach. Be glad. How do you teach? By being the mirror you hold before the student to show the student its own face.

There is a beautiful song called Ripple which both the Grateful Dead and Jimmie Dale Gilmore sing with so much heart. The last line goes, “if I knew the way, I would take you home”. In this way is a mirror true. NOBODY CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO LIVE WITH ALL YOUR MISTAKES AND SAFELY PENETRATE ALL DREADED INTERSECTIONS. YOU HAVE TO DO THAT. Arise!

Truth's Most Holy Ground Of Being

Anyone who knows all people are one is already at peace with all others. That cannot be taught. It is innate. It must be realized and felt in the heart to be known. Conversely, if you are not at peace with all others, you do not know all people to be one; and the bullshitter's true motives will be soon revealed.

Okay. Here's the fucking deal as I see it now. People do not trust themselves let alone each other. You decide which comes first. Everybody I have met is either indifferent to any need to make an effort in the direction of peaceable co-existence across the board or they are teaching somebody else how to do what they have never done nor have they seen done. People who claim to be peaceful are not. Instead, they are part of some group that recites, We are peaceful. We are peaceful? If I want to be peaceful I should join your group? Who is peaceful? The select group or the whole? These peace loving groups are not even peaceful at home. Teachers. These teachers espouse the practice of dissociation. Know what that is? It is the disconnecting of something from something else. Two or more somethings arise, done mentally, where there is one.

How many beloved teachers have taught, we are one? Why is the response always: Yeah, let's go fight those who are not one! (One way to fight is to cast a ballot in a voting affair. Another way is to teach others how they are wrong and you are right.)

How many arguments have there been concerning this issue: whether an individual must forgive another first or forgive himself first? Love another first or love himself first? I personally have heard more than I care to. It just might be a moot issue.

I am a participant in what?

Either I am choosing sides or I am surrendering to all. Not both. Cannot have that both ways. One cancels the other is the reason. Either we are one is obsolete or we should be one is obsolete. Which?

I learned mediation, I recall, not because of my teachers but in spite of them. I saw that originally mediation was based in the knowledge people are one. Thereafter, I ignored all the teaching we received that was in opposition to that premise, and there was plenty. I embraced with passion the times the teachers proclaimed that all people have the innate ability to resolve conflict with others. If any number of people are experiencing conflict a mediator is the one who holds to the understanding that there is no conflict and eventually the others find it in themselves and peace has to happen. Has to happen. It seems a miracle to those who have practiced dissociation to a degree which is dangerous to themselves and others; but it is simple truth.

All people at all times want the same thing; to live and work with pride and joy. All people know this. All people know how to do so. A family trying to rise above the average persons in their community by whatever means is dissociating from reality. Am I a participant in my family's desire to be excellent or in excellence for the whole of mankind? How can it be thought that to make the whole better I am to dissociate myself, my people, from the whole of mankind? That is the same insane thought as: let us fight and kill for world peace.

Anyone who knows all people are one is already at peace with all others. That cannot be taught. It is innate. It must be realized and felt in the heart to be known. And all the wars of mankind since the beginning of time added together do not match in bravery that required for one individual to rediscover lost identity with truth's most holy ground of being.

The Little Story With A Big Heart {}

I want to tell you a little story you are a part of. Around July 5 my son, Ran, wrote to me asking me to come to Costa Rica, saying, I need you. I dropped everything and began to make arrangements to come. On July 10 I arrived.

Shortly after, a woman named Linda knocked on the door where I was typing away on the keyboard of this computer thoroughly engrossed in what I was writing in great focused joy. She said she was told by another woman that I was visiting my son here. Her friend, Mary, suggested she come meet me and offer to sublet her house while she was going to be away until November. She saw I had deluxe accommodations and probably would not want to move but offered to show me the place anyway. I went with her. It is only a quarter mile or so up a dirt road from Ran's place. Man, it has this really great view and the cabin is such a marvel of construction, so fine. Linda's place is Linda! I loved it immediately but told her I'd have to speak with my son and daughter to makes sure my renting her place would not conflict with their plans or needs. But, told her that in my heart I'd already sublet her beautiful home. She smiled.

Well, you know what? A puma came to visit me there one evening. The big cats are very rarely seen though people know them to be around. Very secretive. They are protected by law here. I was honored and shaken by the experience. It has been working on me since and teaches me every day. About life, living, really living.

In the course of exchanging emails with Linda she revealed that she had been wanting really badly to see a puma since she has been here and wanted every detail of the experience I was able to give. Then she told me she had been working with a Shaman in Peru for a long time who taught her about the puma. Told her the puma is her spirit animal. I connected this information to my knowledge that Ran is going to Peru in September to hike the trail to Machu Picchu as a quest for inner peace and understanding. He was badly shaken by the death of a young boy, at his house on July 5 who fell from a cliff onto boulders below and died. He blamed himself. More, though, he was reminded of himself as a wild, young boy and felt a deep loss. That was the reason he had asked me to come.

I had a feeling that this Shaman in Peru had something to teach my son so I told Ran about Linda's revelation to me in the wake of the highly unusual visit by a puma to my back door. Ran seemed to ignore my attempt to arouse in him some wonder or curiosity at least. I sadly let it drop. It was about this time I made the decision to extend my stay here because all that was happening was too good to deny. You were somehow counted among those willing to move all my stuff out of the cabin back in Austin to make that possible for me. I know, but it's so anyway. Believe me and accept my gratitude.

Meanwhile, Ran and his family traveled to Philadelphia to take his daughter, my granddaughter, to school. Ryan is 15 and going a long way from home for the first time. They returned home yesterday and this morning we were visiting and Ran said, “Oh, by the way, you know, I told you I had reached out to Linda about a Shaman…

I immediately broke in, “No, I didn't know that!”

Ran: I thought I told you, well, she sent me contacts in Peru which I emailed and told them everything, about Kyle's death, everything, and learned that the Shaman is out of the country at this time. I was disappointed, of course, and thinking of that sadly when I got an email from one of them yesterday while sittiing on the airplane returning from Philadelphia saying the Shaman will be back in Peru at Cusco on September 19, and she wanted to know my travel plans to determine whether she can setup a meeting for me with him. Can you believe it? It's the very day I arrive! I am so excited.

I then told Ran what I wanted to say throughout our talks here but the timing had never felt right for it. Here's what I told him,

Man, in my experience, which is all I have to share with anyone, it was not until I found a living human being that I trusted without reservation to be my teacher that I was able to fully surrender my life, to sincerely ask that man to be my teacher, that my life became real to me. Until then, I had always held back something and to do that prevents absolute surrender which means I was still running my show, just gathering teachers to take pieces I was ready to let go. Which means, of course, the one who needed to change was going to make the change and that is totally not going to happen. Now, I want to say: pay attention, close attention, and when you hear a person say: I cannot teach you what you already know, I can only point you to the knowledge in your heart because you have already what you seek there- grab on to that person and let go absolutely and beg him or her to be your teacher withholding nothing. A teacher is a mirror. What happens you may not recognize for a long time but someday you will-your heart chooses the teacher and by letting it you turn the reins of your life over finally to the one friend inside who knows the secret you so badly need. That is the best I can do for you, my child.

That is the end of the little story

My teacher laughs a lot.

A Better Place

There was a man who decided to tell people he wanted to be a writer. He tried day and night but could not get anything he wrote published. Then something happened.  He found a manuscript in a satchel his wife purchased for him at a flea market. He read it that night and wept at its beauty. Oh, how he wished he could write like that. Secretly, he typed it up and then offered it to a publisher as his own. The publisher was amazed at the manuscript and wanted to publish right away. So, the man became a famous writer.

What is important to understand is that the man did not really have any interest in writing.  He wanted something else. Something he lacked. He wanted only the results of being a published writer as set out by the culture he served. He proved that when he stole the manuscript.

So, why are we doing things we do not really have an interest in? Why are we looking outside ourselves for approval and validation? Why do we want to be loved?

We are lonely.

Why are we lonely?

We do not feel love.

Where is love?

Inside us.

How much?

An ocean.

Furthermore, had the man not stolen he would still be lonely. So, to judge him to be a thief is ridiculous and futile. He is sad. He must find the love in his own heart.  When he does, he will begin doing what he is truly interested in doing. We must help him. We must find it in our hearts to help him. Only in that way will the world become a better place.