A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 10/22/16

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Getting Started

There is a chief problem that were it to be addressed and solved the rest would fall by the wayside in complete adoption of overwhelming truth. That shortcoming among us is the failure to show loyalty to the essence of who we are. Rather, we betray it many times a day. I want to be strong enough to withstand the allure of a temptation that would have me sell my soul for an offer of money. But I cannot.

What am I afraid of? I wonder. Do you know? What is it about me that wants something I do not believe I have that money can buy? What doors are opened by it? Think. What has been my actual experience? What have others told me from their experience? I recall now that every job I have ever taken has become a disappointment very soon and a thing I want to avoid but cannot. I need a pill to go to work.

I have been told of something I have that cannot be taken from me. What is it? Is there such? It is placed I am told where no thief can enter and no fire can reach and no storm can bother and no exploding bomb destroy and it is absolutely safe there. Where? Is there such a place? Think.

Were I to find this place and discover there a something that I have what might that be? I am told its nature is such that when I know I have it I will be true to my heart as if it were the most natural thing to do and never betray my own essential nature and be in love. Be in love. What if it is love? What if the place is a state, not a space? How do I find a state...of...wholeness where it all makes sense to me?

Look within? How? With my attention? How much? All of it? When? Now? How often? Daily? Always? Pray without ceasing? Are you kidding me? No?

I better get started.