A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 07/19/22

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Tuesday, July 19, 2022

I is the isolating thing.

I must be free of it…wait…uhhh.

that thought…I must be free…is the thought of the I…and only strengthens it firmly in place at the center of being. What am I to do?

The question is how can one shift from illusion to reality? Can it be done by any of my tricks?

I have tried so many of them, those mental tricks, like I will search for a spouse and marry hoping that I will be free of my loneliness. I married and yet I was so lonely…maybe even lonelier than before. Let us have a child or two or more. Then I will not be lonely. I will have a family. Still I am lonely. What to do about it? I will take my family to a place of worship and attach to a Higher Self. Then, if I choose wisely, I will feel lonely no more. Lonelier than ever. Can anybody help me straighten out my thinking so I am not lonely? Straighten thinking? Thinking goes all over the place at once! Therapy has been tried and it did not work. Oh, so many more things have been tried. Still I am lonely. Tell me how I can be free of it.

The I is the isolating thing but I cannot be rid of that. Why not? I have repeated over and over “I am the Whole” or “I love everybody” and still loneliness returns. Can you tell me what to do?

There may be nothing to be done. What? Calling on the isolating thing to do something to be rid of it is futile. There seems to be nothing to be done that will make any difference for the self image is so deeply rooted that all attempts would be the action of the isolating thing itself. No amount of good deeds will matter. No oaths to stop my bad conduct will be any different than the other tricks. Love, that may be the answer! But the word love has been so overused and abused it has no meaning as a fact. People all around the Earth have gathered to proclaim “I love God” and they mean “I am willing to kill anybody who does not love God”. That love is corrupt. That love cannot be of any guidance in reality.

Am I left with nothing to do? Is that a bad thing necessarily? They tell that if I accept isolation without the thought I can manage it, an unexpected change may result…out of nothing…the removal of self entirely will have happened…the presence of the sacred felt…reverence for it restored…the beauty of it seen and, then, in the complete absence of isolation the concept of a separate self is gone never to return. In the process true love is known as a fact. After that realization flows another..Love made the entire Universe from nothing! Freedom is. Suffering is no more.

It all goes to show that so long as I try to make the mortal immortal I remain fixed in mortality and only when I accept mortality as “I am dead already” does the self image vanish and is immortality found. No trickery, not the slightest, involved. Bob Dylan said once at a very young age “I stopped trying to figure things out a long time ago” and it means the same thing. So spoke also Billy the Kid.

Billy’s story means to the writer that the kid we all started out to be once lost to us begins for a teenager a struggle to become something that can survive in a competitive adult world of lost kids and for most it ends in a lonely tragedy. All would be different for any who turn inward at any age in search of the lost sense of no isolation at all first, as the priority, and then, after they find it, live as free human beings for the remainder of life. For God knows how many centuries humans have lived the other way postponing the search for the lost kid into old age, retirement, by which time they have very little strength for it. The belief has been hammered into the brains that God made a world where adults have to be sinners. Like it is a law that must be unquestioned. That’s backward, Man! Oh, so unnecessary. Question everything! Especially question this writing! The writer does not want your agreement but wants you to find out for yourself.