A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 09/08/21

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

LEARNING TOGETHER

I learned some new thing this morning from a new angle on things. Why do I care to have knowledge about myself? That is a very important question. Do not rush to answer it. Give some space. If you have jumped already, back up, and pause with me. Why should I have such knowledge at all? Who taught me to study myself instead of purely living? Who has an interest in building up in my brain a stockpile of knowledge and memory about, of all things, me? A puppet maker? Disappointed in me, such a person wants to build in my stead a puppet to control? Far worse, they have named it…love. Who would do that to me? Beats me. My guess is it’s someone who has been treated that way before me. My ancestors? The puppet they have constructed from thoughts in my brain has been taught to always remember and to worship them. How fucked up is that? And, oh My God, I am doing it to my children! What have I become? Has anybody, since my birth, ever really taken the time to get to know me, who I am, what I am for?

There is a farm. That farm was mismanaged in the same way and fell into a state of death. Soil gone. Everything as good as dead. And it has been resurrected, revived and is today fruitful again. This change was not accomplished by anyone. Some simple minded people merely trusted it could be so. They simply took the caring time to watch, see, learn what the farm is, as it is, without interference from them, and were taught that in the beginning all that will ever need to be accomplished was accomplished. Like a surfer, they caught a wave already in motion under an awesome force of unlimited power and they rode it home. Can I be that way for another human being?

I trust I can be.