A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 12/02/21

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Thursday, December 2, 2021

Let’s Be Honest About It

We are messed up. Humans live lives here that are confused, out of control, and scary. It is so tangled up it defies analysis. Opinions fall all over the place and putting them together is worse than leaving them alone. All our relationships are injured, broken and incomplete. We are struggling to make some kind of sense from nonsense. Every decision made that way makes things worse. My life is a bunch of irritating noise. I wish I could walk away from it. What can anybody do? Face the fact. You and I can do nothing about it. It is like admitting I did nothing to make the world so who am I to change it? Hey, who am I? I have been trying to change things all my life. Could that be the real problem? Can I change?

Why bother to ask anybody how? Who would answer? All we can do is ask the question of nobody, let it go, expect no answer. Do not answer it yourself. Do not even say I believe the answer will be X. See whether the question answers itself. I just got my answer.