A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 07/21/16

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Whats happening to me

Wager not my voice at the marketplace o' marriage

and a Fortune company

support o' some plotted disinfected family tree's

just not in the cards for me.

let me sing my own tune

but in the choir of a life-

a life that's honest 'n free; and

let me be still

let me be still

til I can give voice to what's happening to me

Lay odds on the gamble that is a certainty; something that

comes forth in a squawk or a sigh;

a long shot from heav'n with syrup 'n greens and a slice

o' grandma's rhubarb pie.

Say I'm a wild card- say I'm no damn good- don't even

mention me in yore Last Will;

and, when you see I've stopped m' coughing'

carry my coffin up Boot Hill.

For now, just sit still...let me unlock my notched grooved raw

boned love sick key.

And sing a loud cry to the blue, blue, blue sky for the need of

a boy to be free.

For K