A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 07/30/23

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Sunday, July 30, 2023

Psychological Memories

We commonly register in our brains as memory some occurrence that either has brought great joy or pain. What good is it? Does the memory make it more or less likely we will experience similar experiences in the future? If the occurrence was painful we think we want to prevent its reoccurrence, right? If it brought joy, we want more of it, right? Such is the reasoning in support of the registration in memory of things I like and what I do not like. Is there not evidence that the memories actually work in reverse? Does the memory of a bad experience not as a matter of fact bring a conviction in the same brain that life is insecure and I am vulnerable, not secure. In the case of a good experience is there not evidence we are left with “I had my chance and did not expand on it, keep it, so I am unworthy of being so happy again”? Can I determine whether these psychological memories that concern an ego are bringing more happiness, more security, or not?

Suppose they are useless and even harmful? What then? Can I stop these memories being registered? If I resist them what always happens? They come back stronger, don’t they, and may wait for the right moment to let me know they are still with me? So, may I just live with them as real and study them as inseparable from me…as in they are me… until either mind itself ends them as useless and harmful or not? Otherwise I am only trying to change me by deciding to keep what I like and discard what I do not like which is THE SAME OLD GAME!

I know this much. Once I was convinced “I am an alcoholic and there is nothing I can do to change that” I have not had a drink for decades. See, “I am the problem”. “I” needs to be turned in and exposed. Something nameless did that for me when “I” was not looking. I now urge everyone to find the nameless truth about themselves. What a wonderful life there is for all who do!