Who
is this Gate Keeper who stands at the door of my conscious awareness
and speaks before me and for me while I listen to it and wonder how
often do I speak for myself? Am I nobody? Drunk? Too dumb? Inept?
Weak? Incapable? Why did I stand for this rudeness ever even for one
moment? I bet this impostor is a coward if I would only speak up. I
am going to do it. I am going to find out who is running this life we
seem to share. Me or...what's-it? The one with a name who sees
imperfection in everything and everybody. You know, the one who
changes his mind to fit each new situation, constantly revising his
identity, the liar.
Life cannot be explained. Accept this much for now and flow with me. Authority has us in complete denial about it most of the time. This blog wants to show there is a whole different way to live and humans can do it and have done it before. It is hoped we get that job done.
THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN
We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far?
In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid.
In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!
