A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 04/11/21

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Sunday, April 11, 2021

What We Ask For We Receive

But we are asking the wrong question for we ask our question prematurely.

Question not: How Can I Make The World Better? This question is asked by someone who is shopping for a goal. Some certainty is desired but adding certainty to confusion means I am certainly confused, am I not? A person who is confused knows not even what life is all about. If I do not know life I am not alive. I am dead.

First ask: Am I Alive In This One? In the world as it is. And I suggest a serious trial when you are ready.

Seek to know whether I am actually alive in this chaotic world I am in. Or, could it be I am merely a conditioned thought machine run wild spewing out thought after thought after thought ad infinitum? And, seriously, could my runaway thoughts be the source of the chaos I experience? Can I cease my thinking? Even for a second? How about 1/2 of 1/2 of 1/2 of a second? Can confusion be ended? Where confusion ends clarity is. An empowered person, alone, is alive. If you think what was just written to be a selfish statement, notice that only a human who is clear standing alone a complete unknown can be of any real help to anyone else. Am I alive? Do I even want to be alive? Does the question am I alive frighten me? So, is it clear to me now I am somebody else’s thought machine too frightened to stop its motion or interfere with its chaos?

I am here. It is clear. I am not too frightened to risk some thought becoming reality in order to be alive. Everybody must get stoned.