A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 04/08/23

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Saturday, April 8, 2023

LIFE WITHOUT THE IDEAL of a SEPARATION

Ideals are not real. Earlier it was written that the most important belief to which { I am } is committed is I am a separate individual. I must be ambitious. I must compete. I must succeed. I must strive to become more. I have dreams of my own you know. You must see that belief, all belief, is put together by thought and is in conflict with reality and causes all your suffering. See it now. Not later on. Now.

Thinking has brought about a world where everyone is a taker as separate individuals must be . For takers, every act of giving is a taking. They say, “Have a great day” and they do not mean it. They say, “I love you” and do not mean it. They say, “it is my job to teach you humility and compassion” and they do not mean it. They say, “Trust me” and they do not mean it. How could they? Their only job has been to sucker punch you. They have dreams of their own, must be ambitious, must compete, must succeed. The world of man is disgusting. Presidents are criminals. Presidents are murdered. Millions starve. All are lonely. Children are brainwashed, deceived, and used. And all the rest of the mess.

It is not just that life is only lived now it is that life is only lived when it is only now. That’s the kicker! So, for only now to be experienced you must realize first that you cannot ever know it is only now because you as you know you is made by thought in time. However, you as you do not know you knows that in the present there is the past and the future. That is to say the you you are ignorant about which has not been put together by thinking is aware that the past is memory and not really present and the future is only a mental projection from memories of a past and so also unreal. All this also means that you must be free from the grip of thinking to actually live. Ask your mind if it can be so? Wait for the answer. For goodness sake do not make up an answer by thinking. Find out whether the mind, left to it, can be aware of itself. And, being aware, can it change itself? You better hope so.

Suppose you fall in love deeply and then learn that the beloved has been told by doctors he or she is going to die soon. You feel that something terribly wrong has happened. However, the unknown by you you knows this is not bad at all because you can only really live if it is only now with no past and no future. So, even if your sweetheart were to live another 100 years you can only love now. A memory of love is certainly not love…the thoughts ”I love” or “I will love” or “I have loved” are not love. Suddenly, by grace, everybody is seen by you to be in the same boat together with no exception! How does it feel? Free? A bit like something eternal is exposed? Adieu.