A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 11/02/21

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Tuesday, November 2, 2021

I am lost.

I need an experience of something greater than me to revive me by showing me who I can be or something…

I have met you here before, do you recall?

No.

You asked me then to give you an experience.

I refused.

Why?

So long as you think you want an experience to save you, you will remain in the clutches of a being lost carrying a map that is a false promise of some future reconciliation with what you only believe you lost. I refuse to serve that lie.

But on my own I cannot find my way home.

You are home.

What? I am lost!

You are not the lost one who wants an experience. Probably because that one knows you are already home and needs to keep you lost or lose its hold over you it will send you experience after experience. You are the experience you seek. And when you accept that totally you will not be able to say you ever were lost. Whatever brought you here is going to have to take you home. Not anybody else. It is nobody who longs to be you as you are who will never give you a useless map and useless instructions. You have always known this.

You can learn to press the keys on a piano in accordance with a system created by other human beings for their own amusement but what could be crazier than trying to learn how to be yourself? Any attempt in that direction absolutely must lead away from you. You are the courage to stop it.