A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 12/26/21

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Sunday, December 26, 2021

CEASE THE GAME

After being plagued with miseries arising from within me from anger, fear, hatred, and sex problems for some period of time I suddenly admitted to myself that I am all of it and can do nothing about that. I came to an abrupt halt with all dialog over the years of denial and the commitments to become a better person. I had had it is the best I can express it. No more. In the instant I mention I met God in the sense I met the place inside where mankind must have originally discovered God-not the concept but the reality because as suddenly as I made the admission I felt the deepest peace I had ever known. The feeling is freedom. What a surprise I had! Never had it occurred to me that If I admitted my shortcomings in a genuine way, passionately, I would find what I had so long striven for. Peace at last!

In a miraculous fashion I had come to see the source of all my misery had been the “talking image” of my self that had been planted in my brain and fed by society and to discover true God as a breath of fresh air. The answer was blowing in the wind for me but I had been listening to confused noise and could not hear it. Suddenly, scriptural wisdom was freely my own. That which I was searching for I had. That which I was searching for I had not lost. It is situated in such a place it cannot be taken from me, a place where moth and dust do not corrupt. Divine consciousness makes me humanly present. No politics for me. No organized religion for me. I know that a regular bowel movement is far more valuable than discovering a gold mine.