A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 12/19/15

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Saturday, December 19, 2015

On Love

Love has oppressed me. Love has forced me away. Love has hidden itself from me. Love has denied itself to me. Love has refused my touch. Love has made a fool of me. But love saved my life, and for no reason I can think of, and when I did not want to go on living, gave life back to me and showed me I can enjoy one. Then left. So, why do I keep dropping everything to chase after her? Oh, I see, my, love is a mirror!

We came from the wilderness ourselves as wild as all the rest of it. And our presence today makes it clear we were clever and adept. Something of the wilderness, a fragment perhaps, remains inside us. One never ceases entirely to be wild even in slippers in front of a tv screen. All fear is false.

My love has always kept her promise.

“Never, she said, "tell anyone what I tell you now, but, I will never be true. There. Now you have it. I am made that way. You will have to be true to me if you like. In fact, that is why I am pretty. I cannot be true so I am pretty. I am here so you have something to be true about. You may write me poetry. All fear is false.

When I say I am never going to be true,” she said, “I mean that my nature is loyalty itself so being true is without form and void. Everybody is true to something. I am. It is no big deal. Be selective is all. Never mind. And all fear is false.”

Love is void. Formless and void. And real. A real tyrant. Love is God.