A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 04/29/20

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Truth? I used to know there was nothing that is really true. All is relative and there is only nonsense. Best to learn a way to live with it. But I know a story. I am the story. When I hear somebody else telling a story and it jives with mine, well, I feel it is true. One day someone told me that nothing is true. I think that, too. I thought. Then I felt I had found there is something true. It struck me as sacred knowledge. Not originating by the intellect. Another told me that he was incapable of being honest. Me, too. I thought. Again, I felt I had been introduced to an honesty in me. Crystal clear honesty. It also felt sacred to me. Something more than meets the eye is aware of my existence. Actually, it is how I know I exist. I exist by not existing as a person separate from everything else. I did not know I could forget all about me. It feels real good. Peaceful. Blissful. Tender. What is amazing is to discover how much more effective I am in the world when I have forgotten I exist as a “thing”. That is about all I know about truth.

One more item: there seems to me to be a corruption that occurs when time and thought come together as psychological time and it makes lies up all day long. I discovered what I call a gap in psychological time I can escape through which puts me into that blissful state I mentioned. I merely call up the gap (making it a thought) and it throws my brain into a sudden, complete stillness.

Good fortune be yours.