A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 06/07/23

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Wednesday, June 7, 2023

WHICH IS IT?

Do I want to understand or do I want to follow? Socrates said, “Know thyself”.

This is very important. The two are light years apart. These two are in completely separate dimensions. These are two distinct worlds.

The guru says, “Follow me. I have it. You do not have it. I will give it to you. What you seek I will give.” Hmm.

Be careful what you ask for.

Do I approach algebra, for example, to learn about myself, what I am, are do I approach that subject wanting to be led to a better place, that is, to achieve some ideal I am not? Am I a needy, greedy fellow wanting to be something more than I am? Is it my opinion that knowledge is power and I want power? Why do I want power? Do I want secretly to be a leader of others? Really? Can I see the answer to that? For most, life is but a competitive game. And in that state of mind I will be stuck because to drop out of the game is to be a loser and that I cannot face. You own a smart phone and carry it everywhere because you must be one of the crowd. Is that fear? Where, do you know, does fear lead the best of its followers?

If I attend AA meetings in order to achieve a whole lot of days without drinking alcohol what am I doing? Is it possible to attend meetings only out of a deep passion to understand who I am? Is that wise? In that approach, you might discover why you drank so much booze in the first place and be free. In the other, one may spend the rest of one’s life counting days. There is a big difference. Do we want to understand ourselves or do we want to be a good follower? Why is it a human being is so eager to be led? Is it easier? Is that a sound reason? Can one see how impossible it is to be led and also to find out the truth of oneself, both? Do not those two cancel each other? On the back of an AA coin is a saying from Shakespeare “To thine own self be true”.