A WHOOPER SWAN'S DIARY: 05/30/23

THE STORY OF JOHNNY WHOOPER SWAN We go to school trusting our parents. We meet a teacher there who stands up front with a big desk, and a pointer. She or he trains us in an authoritative manner. We attach mentally to a life long need for authority in order to live lives successfully. Right so far? In my case, at the age of 25 I was ready to enter the practice of law where I hoped for success and a happy life finally. Very shortly, very shortly, I became anxious. There was a foreboding. I was made more uncomfortable with each experience. Law work is nothing like what I was told it would be. The system is corrupt. But I still cling to my expectation that career success is necessary to my happiness as a man. Each day my grasp of what the fuck success amounts to after all becomes more clouded, murkier. I hear songs on the airwaves and at concerts which describe my life as the life of a fool. What am I becoming? I want to rip off my business suit to run naked in the street with my hair on fire! But I am too afraid. In strange, weird (weird comes from a word meaning wise), fragmented steps I go about a journey of my own believing myself to be the first man to have failed in such a total way which journey works so as to break up my career, end a marriage, and start an entirely new way of relating with my two children whom I love deeply. Almost magically I meet a woman who is a career counselor who asserts a beautiful message that I am made to be joyful in my work everyday and at all levels. This understanding sets me on a completely new course. It is no longer a world of systems to me but an undivided one of unlimited beauty. It reminds me of a painting. A true masterpiece. I am drawn from within to learn the truth about my identity and nobody else can teach me that. From this point onward I will use thinking capacity for mastering mechanical processes and follow my heart, which includes my whole nature, which includes your whole nature and that of every human being for all the rest. I’ll go by the name Johnny Whooper Swan who does not explain itself to anyone. By my fruits shall I be known. Watch me soar!

Tuesday, May 30, 2023

THE FLAME of DISCONTENT

It is as if a mission calls…burns. Urges forward. Having no outlet, intensifies.

The causes come. A career. A marriage. A religion to join, the more extreme the better. A political movement, the more extreme the more attractive. At some point these reveal they are not at all satisfying. All are seen to be surface and shallow and meaningless. All are monstrous creatures of selfish thinking with motives to keep all down in the hole that they are in. Now a completely meaningless life begins to nag and wants its chance. “Get what pleasures I can before it’s too late” calls. Hell is preferred to the Civilized Trickster.

Death awaits. Just before death takes life away some current of clarity shocks at just the right moment and prayer, not some separate self, asks “help” from out the dying flame of discontent. It will develop that flame was alive all the while and its cry to not accept anything for a substitute satisfaction is the human being’s last resort and its highest intelligence and what has been found amounts to truest lover willing to die that all may live!