The Art of Decency

First. Let us give a sample of Indecency-

“Rain at Night” by W.S. Merwin

after an age of leaves and feathers

someone dead

thought of this mountain as money

and cut the trees

that were here in the wind

in the rain at night

it is hard to say it

but they cut the sacred ‘ohias then

the sacred koas then

the sandalwood and the halas

holding aloft their green fires

and somebody dead turned cattle loose

among the stumps until killing time

So, now, what is Decency? We know it not. We are certain that if we had left the Garden as we found it there would be absolutely nothing to get excited about and no fun. But Merwin reminds us in the first lines of his poem-

This is what I have heard

at last the wind in December

lashing the old trees with rain

unseen rain racing along the tiles

under the moon

wind rising and falling

wind with many clouds

trees in the night wind3

Are we not those trees?  Have you ever really seen a tree? Until the day you do you will not be ready to begin a life of decency. Once you see it as it is you will then and forever after know yourself to be decent naturally. Ignorance of that fact is the source of all our problems, past, present and future.  We only need glimpse what in us is human.

It is like this-someone complains of a problem. SOMEONE WISE REPLIES YOUR REAL PROBLEM IS THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE. FIND THAT OUT FIRST THEN SEE FROM EYES THAT ARE AWAKE TO REALITY. IT WILL BE ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT. YOU REPLY, BUT WHAT IF I DO NOT LIKE WHO I AM? THE WISE ONE TELLS YOU THAT TO DECIDE NOT TO DISCOVER WHO YOU REALLY ARE BEFORE YOU JUDGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES IS ABOUT THE DUMBEST THING ANYBODY EVER CONSIDERED DOING AND REFUSES TO WASTE ANY MORE TIME WITH SUCH A ONE AS YOU. THEN TELLS YOU TO GO AWAY AND THINK ABOUT IT. COME BACK IF YOU FIND YOU ARE READY TO SAY GOODBYE TO ALL THE NUMEROUS AND CONTRADICTORY CONCEPTS OF WHO YOU THINK YOURSELF TO BE TO MEET A STRANGER YOU ACTUALLY LIVE WITH.

A Simple Story

Once I could not stand myself. 

I mean I could not stand being me. Do not get me wrong.  I was not in a situation that anyone else would think to be a horrible one insofar as the outside circumstances of my life were concerned.  Many would have envied me.  But I could not stand to be me. Nobody could persuade me otherwise. Many tried. No good came of it. 

What was wrong with me? Everything. 

I was not even close to understanding who I am…who you are…what is life for…nor how to live it well.

I was educated. It was not a question of reading the right books. It was a question of how to read a book from a situation of peace inside of me so I might bring wisdom to bear on the words of a book. It was actually a question of whether peace could ever be felt inside of someone like me. It had nothing to do with a book. 

It was, for me,  like I lived in a tunnel. I operated by habit I called self will. Such a joke! It was not remotely true and somebody inside me knew it. And that one loved me enough to spoil my  every attempt at doing my life as someone else’s  robot or puppet.

That one turned out to be the artist inside me that is inside you. I dedicated then whatever  remained of my life to making art every day with a glad heart. Want you try? Imagine a world filled with artists. Stretch as far as your mind will take you. Do it again. Repeat such wild, chaotic silliness every single day for all the tomorrows given you. 

I cannot take you to be here with me but I can invite you. I do so from love, not the four-letter word, love itself, which is a part of no language of man. It is wild.  It is free. It is bold. It serves nobody. 

To love’s ear, all nations are called by one name. By nation is meant any attempt, whatever, to organize people. Trust one another as I trust in you who has within at this moment a living artist, one who knows what you came here to do.

World History: When the chicken cannot even be proved to have been a fowl entitled to its brand name then it’s only about loving what we love and laughing off the rest of it. 

Somebody says we need to create community.  How? Well, we could sell addictive drinks for 5 dollars each and attract people to come and gather every morning. Who would come?  What kind of community is that? Sounds like escape to me, not community at all. 

I explode in Meditation!

SOME KINDA WIZARD IS ABOUT

Wizard: Tonight you must remember.  

Pan: Remember What?

Wizard: Only you can save your children.

Pan: How?

Wizard: Don’t you remember who you are?

Pan: I am not anybody…I’m 

Wizard: From another world?

Pan: There is none but this sorry one.

Wizard: Oh, but you are mistaken on that issue.  There are two worlds right here that occupy the same space.

Pan: Cannot be. Physics. It is a law of Newton, I believe.

Wizard: Newton was blind in the same way you are. But all his life he worked in secret in his basement where he sought the Philosopher’s Stone. That is definitely from another world and even Sir Isaac might tell a fib or two to save such as that. Some precious something that has the power to change anything at all into gold is what he sought. In secret. Alone. Late into the night. Are you willing to go that far to save your children?

Pan: How can that save my children? 

Wizard: What else? You’ve forgotten everything.  Your brain’s been civilized. You don’t know any longer how to eyeball a moment. To escape time through a gap into now. Make a beeline.  Open your whole self to give full attention to the complete picture all at once. And let me assure you those capacities are worth far more than all the gold in anybody’s  world. 

Let me take you back in time to when you were just a child. Do you remember a boy about your own age named Doug? Doug Smith?

Pan: No. Wait..Doug…Yes. I do remember Doug.  We were once best friends. For a short while.  Fourth grade. 

Wizard: Recall how you and your pal Doug met the first time? 

Pan: Hmmm. Oh, yeah.  He and another kid tried to hold me up. 

Wizard. Correct. Tell me about it.

Pan: I was riding my new bicycle. So proud of it. These two older boys, one was Doug, but I did not know him yet. They saw me and went around another way to head me off at an alley about two blocks from my house. They told me to stop and I did what I was told. This was new to me. Older, bigger kids picking me out to have some fun. They told me to give them money if I had any, or else. I remembered I had a nickel. And was about to fork it over when something inside me was unwilling to obey them that easy. I said I didn’t have any money. They inched their own bikes up to block mine from a chance of escape. I was scared. I tell you. Scared enough to nearly wet my pants. 

Wizard:  What happened?

Pan: Suddenly, I don’t know how, I lost all my fear of those two. I said I remembered I had a nickel I’d give them and acted like I was reaching in my pocket for it. I saw by their faces they had relaxed in some belief they had me now. The moment was mine. As quick as a wink I sped by them turned up the alley and headed for home.  No way they could catch me. I was faster. Got clean way.  Boy was I proud. 

Wizard: Ever see Doug again?

Pan: Sure I did.  Around two years later he showed up in my fourth grade class.  He had flunked and was being held back.  It was then I noticed how small Doug was.  I was nearly twice his size.  Somehow that day with the big kid I thought him much larger than he actually was. Funny. I remembered the first encounter but we started talking and liked each other.  He talked to me like he knew me all right but neither of us ever mentioned that time he tried to rob me. Doug and I were class clowns.  We thought we were the funniest kids in the world. We could get our teacher to laughing real often then get away with murder. Doug could draw real good.  I was okay. We made comic books for ourselves to read and laugh at. We sure had fun. We arranged to have our desks next to each other for most of the year we spent together in Mrs. Orr’s classroom. It was my best year as a kid by far. I remember our parents drove us to watch picture shows real often on Saturdays. (silent moment for thought maybe) Doug had red hair.

I liked him more than anybody. Probably more than I have liked anybody since. Then my parents decided we’d move across town to another school district. It made me sick. But a miracle happened.  I mean it.  What else could it be?  Know what?  Doug’s parents decided to move also over the summer to the same part of town where we could stay in school together. Can you beat it? So, every morning of the new school term I’d ride my bike to Doug’s where his Mom would feed me a second breakfast and then we’d peddle to school together. We felt lucky. But one dreadful morning when I got to Doug’s front door there hung a wreath.  I knew it meant a death.  His Daddy had died. Doug’s Mom told me he would not be coming to school that day. And for several more days he stayed away.  Then one afternoon his Mom stopped her car across the street and waited for me to come out of my house.  When I did she got out of her car and came to talk to me.  Real nice.  She said that she and Doug were moving to East Texas the next day where her parents lived. She hoped I could visit them there. She knew how much Doug and I meant to each other. Doug never spoke to me before he was gone. It was three or four years later I was with my parents at a football game in Dallas.  I went to the refreshment stand alone and there I saw Doug of all people.  I was so excited. Rushed up to him. Shouting his name. He knew me but was not a bit friendly. Like I was a total stranger is how it felt.  Back at our seats I told my Mom I had bumped into Doug but he did not even bother talking to me or mention a visit or anything. I could tell she knew I was hurting.  She said nothing.  What could she say? Never make a friend, I thought. Never get close again. Let them go as easy as if nothing could be easier. Pretend you never met. Do it with anyone. No matter how much you care. I closed a door. Inside me.

Wizard:  What about Doug?

Pan: Doug?  What about him?

Wizard: How did he feel? When his Dad died suddenly.

Pan: I-I I don’t know.  Bad for sure. 

Wizard:  Your own Dad was still alive?

Pan: Yes.

Wizard: And your Mom, too?

Pan: Yeah. I see what you are getting at. I never really thought much about how Doug was hurting. Mostly about me. 

Wizard: He lost a friend, too. Had to move away. To live in a different town.  With grandparents. 

Pan:  He clammed up. Was so rude. Would not talk to me.…(suddenly Pan looks upward as if realizing) Couldn’t maybe?

Wizard: Maybe that is what is so.

Pan: Anything could have been going on. With him, I mean.

Wizard: Whenever anything you thought you had goes or threatens to go then you are forced to pay attention. Fear arises. I am here to suggest you decide to pay full attention now. Before it is too late. Then and only then will it be possible for you to find again the world you came from. Do you know why you think you are a person with a name who has something that is his own? Has a future? 

Pan: It is the way things are. In the real world. 

Wizard:  Sure about that?

Pan: Pretty sure.

Wizard: But are you absolutely certain it is so?

Pan: Well…

Wizard: That is the other…dimension…I speak of…it is right here. Now. Where you and I  stand. Two worlds. And a gap. 

Pan: Are you asking if I can stand uncertainty?

Wizard: That is so. But don’t just do something.  Stand there. It is another way to see. Life is completely uncertain and therein lies its certainty. In the gap. Do not run away hastily. There is no rush. Stay here as long as you want. In fact, you do not have to leave at all. The two worlds are one.

I’d rather make the gravest of mistakes than to betray my own judgment.