Nothing
2
I
am watching a science fiction film where a single astronaut is
stranded in orbit over Earth with no radio communication with
earthlings. Alone, he is told via a prerecorded message to which he
cannot reply that there has been some mess on Earth since he left it
and the necessary personnel to bring him out of orbit are unavailable
for the indefinite future. The recording wishes him Godspeed.
By
voice over I am told that if we humans are cut off and deprived of
the ability to talk to anyone else our view of reality becomes very
warped. Immediately, I am struck by the fact that the view of shared
reality in society at present is very warped, anyway. So, might
sanity actually be recaptured in solitude? We seem to have tried
everything but what we most fear...being alone with only me; telling
myself the truth; and yet, could there be a great surprise awaiting
its own discovery? Something resilient? More importantly, something
that unites all people in a profound enough way to end competition
and war on Earth?
This
lone astronaut is in a bad situation. It is like a Devil tells the
first man and woman that the Real God is a fake. Sound familiar? Your
parents, or some other adult may have told you such a story when you
were too little to defend yourself. And that tale started trouble.
And you have been complaining ever since.
If
I were Satan would I not do the same? Of course, I would, and I did.
I told it to myself. In the film, the voice over tells us we are
listening to something warped
of reality when everything else is silent. Now, this next part is so
important, and yet, so difficult for you to hear. So, pay close
attention...
so,
I gotta thing to add and it is this: the real devil is a fake.
Who,
in the final show, you gonna have to depend on? Mommy? You have an
unsuspected resource. It is an innate ability. Know who you are.
That
night I had a dream that I was a little boy. I was in bed in my room,
lying on my tummy, under the covers, the lights were on and I could
see plainly a very large spider, one bigger than me, on my bedroom
wall. My mother was in the room with me and she was about to kill
that spider when, suddenly, I turned to see another huge spider was
crawling over my back on top of the covers. And a third one was
crawling onto my uncovered head. Petrified in fear so strong I could
not move, I screamed as loud as I could for my mommy to save me; but
she seemed too busy chasing and swatting at the spider on the wall to
pay attention to my outcry. When I awoke, I was completely safe.
Very
soon, though, I was reminded of the film from the day before about
the astronaut cut off in space from all the people on the Earth he
had been depending upon to save him from harm and to return him
safely to Earth. Hmmm. In some sense we are all aliens. Eventually,
we each shall face that truth. We are depending on something to
return us back home safely, but what? And where is home? And what are
we doing here, lost in space?
I
have depended upon many things in my life. First, my parents and
family ties. As a young man, I depended upon a career, one of those
where I am licensed by the government to do a line of work in great
demand in which people have to pay me large sums of money to save
them (which I cannot do); and a lovely wife and two healthy children
(I cannot save); and a fine house in the burbs; and a couple of
automobiles; and a bunch of close friends; and many colleagues in my
field of expertise; and the laws of the country where I live; and the
army and navy and marines and cops and doctors and insurance salesmen
and retirement and social security benefits and expensive retirement
homes; and my fear did not get better for me as time went by, but
worse! And, I drank alcohol and smoked tobacco for relief. And,
things got worse. And I drank more and smoked more; and, still, they
got worse; and I drank and smoked more and more...until I found
myself in a state worse than Hell, a place so bad it cannot be
imagined; it has to be experienced for anyone to know the nature of
this place I lived in...it is so bad...terror…
outrage...terror...outrage...I wished for my death, and I was still
young, and it would not come...
It
is coming. We know it is coming.
Do
we imagine that the things money can buy will save us then? Can it
take us safely home? Money that buys politicians and educators and
movie stars and rock stars and priests, is that going to save us? If
so, like the voice over in that movie I watched I wish you Godspeed
and success in your endeavors to obtain as much as you think you will
need. Grab it fast. Yonder stands your orphan with his gun. If you
are honest you will admit you are living as if that is your ultimate
hope. In some way unexpressed I felt the isolated astronaut in the
movie had been callously abandoned by the unreliable, unstable
society of which he believes he is a member. And I further felt that
because such a strategy so denies reality it had to happen that way.
For
me, I am not counting on that. I am not, however, defenseless. I
have been there, you see, and returned...safely...home. And now am
writing these nothings for you... writing them for nothing...and
counting on nothing to save us all. What is offered is a difficult
quest by each individual, in solitude, now.
For
me, it was a choice between a turning within and further preparation
for another mad flight deeper into the abyss.
