Human Authority 

As a human being I wonder why it is that I am told there is a loving Higher Power that made the Universe and all that is in it who loves me as Its child and I need to believe that in order to find Paradise or a State of Enlightenment which I do not have but will have after I die and yet all the while I notice that the people who so believe have been living here for thousands and thousands of years and still they hate each other and compete for trophies of all kinds and kill each other and  live in families embroiled in constant conflict with each other inside their very homes. And whenever I question the story of a loving All-Powerful Authority who chose not to make me something fully capable of living in harmony with all Its Universe I am given nothing but “well, that’s just the way it is and we are to accept that without questions.” They say I must surrender my will to what an authority who is also human will tell me he knows that I must do to find how to be saved from myself or something like that which makes no sense to me simply because that means Higher Power not human prefers some people over the rest and that is not anywhere near to being love in the book of my heart.

As I struggled through life in a cock-eyed world in the state I have described I became more and more discontent doing what I did not want to do and failing to do what I wanted and so weary of being thataway. Those who I mentioned who are believers kept on quoting from books and saying that if I would only join them I could have my brain straightened out so as to think as they do and still I saw how they treated everybody and refused, in my own way, to join. Once I found what booze does to me I got drunk as often as I could afford to let myself get away with it and that got to be greater each year until  

I found myself in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. 

There the group of former drunks welcomed me and said they had a program that would relieve me of my addiction to alcohol. Rather quickly I came to want what some of these people seemed to have I call peace of mind. By then I was desperate enough to try the program. I joined. 

Having been told I needed a sponsor to assist me with the “program”,  while attending the meetings I began to look for someone among the group who struck me as being my “leader”. And a truly unexpected happening intervened for which I am forever grateful.

A man came to a meeting where I was in attendance and spoke up early introducing himself as a traveler or pilgrim looking for a new home and telling the group that Austin, where we were, was on his list of places he should go. The man added that he was quite sick with a high fever and could not explain why he was in attendance at the meeting and not in his bed treating his illness but continued for about a half hour speaking about his recovery from a helpless, dark state in alcoholism. Said he had been sober for years.

As I listened to the pilgrim I became more and more drawn to his story and was sorry when he ceased his talk. I wanted more. However when the meeting concluded that day I did what I was accustomed to do and that was to beat a quick path to my car and speed away before anyone could corner me and talk to me for that would bring into my brain the suggested need for a sponsor if I were to have success in my effort to recover from my own helpless state. 

When I arrived at my car to flee what did I see but that pilgrim leaning himself against the driver’s door blocking my entry? We two introduced ourselves and I began to share all I had experienced since my first AA meeting. I kept repeating “I need to find a sponsor”. After listening to me for sometime the pilgrim spoke softly this way to me: 

“Look, I am not going to tell you that you need a sponsor nor am I going to tell you not to get one. That is up to you entirely. But, I am going to suggest that before you ask someone else to be your sponsor in following the program of recovery outlined in the book follow these people around and watch carefully to learn all you can about how they actually live outside of the meetings for who you ask to be your teacher about the art of living could cost you your life some day.”

Completely relieved from the urgency to have a sponsor or “authority figure” in life brought me peace. I can even say it was a clear answer to my life long struggle with the concocted belief that “God” would make a world where people were not absolutely responsible for their lives and made me glad I  had not not abandoned my own very vital concern while up against all the pressure to cave in to one of the organized religions and I knew for the first time clearly that religion for real should never be organized. AA is just that- unorganized. So, I took my own journey to recovery questioning every belief in my path as I go. That means becoming fully responsible for a spark of life in all its many aspects. What more can be said? Words, as servants, can serve life well but as a master they are the worst.

I have not had a drink in thirty years and more important by far I have had a life of unparalleled beauty for which my gratitude is too great for any words. For me, each day of life is brand new meant to be lived with all my attention for what it happens to bring as the present in the precious knowledge that the future and the past are contained therein. That alone assures my future if I have one. Once a human knows who (s)he is truly (and who (s)he is not) it is clear what death is and that it is nothing to fear. It is only the illusion of a separate self taught me by the world of conflict,  separation, and violence who has fear of dying for it will certainly not go to Heaven or anywhere else it does not belong. What a silly idea!  A self-absorbed being without existence at all who is bound to be disruptive in Heaven? Ridiculous! . And it’s a good thing for Heaven. That goofball has no anchor so is filled with fear and has to be concerned first with itself. And deep down it knows that death is the end of it for certain. 

Selfishness and self-centeredness, that is the root of man’s troubles. One need not grieve the passing of such as that. The truth is that we are all of us the consciousness of one great humanity, indivisible,  which its Source can love and welcome home. It amounts to life acknowledging and embracing itself and happens daily.

The most important thing is yet to come though. Each of us is our own guru, our own authority when it comes to living. Life is within us. The writer does not want your agreement, does not seek it and even discourages it. Do not believe me. If anything moves you here or ever you must move on your own journey within to discover the truth of your situation and become clear about the actual trouble so it vanishes from the mind. Humans are equipped to do that. A human is not equipped to behave as an authority over any other. You can find out clearly why that is from courage that resides inside you. Now is the time for you to expand exponentially in love’s way.